Gumption
by Roozette
Summary: In which there are biscuits, poisonous snakes, nefarious ploys, and, oh yes, Harry is slightly mental and the heir of Gryffindor.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Still own nothing, still not JK, still live in fear of bid bar lawyers and their big bad lawsuits.

Because while Audrey has decided she no longer wants to be a "wind dancer" (please, for your emotional health, do NOT ask), she has decided her new calling in life is to be Nancy Drew. (shudder) This story came to me while watching her torture, erm.. .I mean play, with her cousins.

Loves!

Roo

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Part 1 of 2

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Harry walked into the Great Hall for dinner and stopped so abruptly Ron and Hermione nearly tripped themselves trying not to run into him.

Hermione gave her friend a questioning look. "Harry, what…"

"Ssh!" Harry waved her off, head cocked to the side. He frowned, green eyes moving to study the Slytherin table with an absent type of horror.

"Hem, hem," a girlish voice simpered from in front of him. Without missing a beat, Harry whipped out his wand and cast a series of spells at Madame Umbridge; starting to walk towards the Slytherin table before her frozen body even hit the floor.

Ron gaped at the body on the floor. "Erm, Harry mate? You just, um, why did." He stopped talking, settling for shaking his head in mute denial and holding onto a slightly overwhelmed looking Hermione.

"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall marched down from the head table, a look of budding fury on her face.

"Ssh!" Harry repeated impatiently. He waved his teacher off as he, once again, began making his way towards the Slytherin table. "Malfoy," he greeted slowly, urgently. "I'm going to wrap my arms around you and pull you up very very slowly." He turned to the rest of the suspicious and wary looking students. "Don't make any sudden moves."

"Potter…"

"DON'T," he hissed vehemently. "Just don't. Trust me on this." He circled the table slowly, ignoring, best he could, the threatening looks he was receiving. Malfoy glanced around at his bewildered housemates nervously; more rattled than he would ever willingly admit by the intense look in Harry's eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Harry slid his arms around Malfoy, just under the boys' arms, and linked his fingers together. Very quietly he turned to the rest of the table, aware of the withdrawn wands and the unnatural silence in the Great Hall as the other students and teachers watched Harry Potter put his arms around Draco Malfoy. "Don't scream," he ordered tightly. Taking one deeper, fortifying breath, Harry tightened his hold and yanked Draco up and out of his seat; pushing the blond behind his back just as a huge brownish tan snake slithered out from underneath the table and hissed menacingly at everyone in the hall.

Blaise Zabini froze with his goblet halfway to his mouth, not even noticing the stream of pumpkin juice spilling into his lap. "That's an Inland Taipan," he said blankly.

"A what?" Pansy Parkinson looked frozen in place, blue eyes wide with fear at the snake hissing menacingly mere inches from her face.

"A single bite contains enough venom to kill 100 humans," Luna offered from the Ravenclaw table. She quite cheerfully took a large bite of chocolate pudding, humming in approval.

The Slytherin table froze, gasps and shrieks rose around the hall, and the slightly acidic scent in the air meant at least one person had wet his or her pants. Draco stiffened behind Harry, gripping the boys' hips convulsively. Harry ignored the blond, glaring at the snake as he engaged it in a furious whispered conversation. "Right," he said at last, nodding grimly, as one hand reached behind him; sliding underneath Draco's outer robe to rub soothing circles on the blonds' back.

"What?" Draco demanded, slightly hysterically. "What did it say?"

"Your family is in disgrace," Harry said curtly. "How best to punish the family then to go after the children?" Several individuals from different houses exchanged uneasy glances over this. Harry ignored them all and snapped his fingers. Instantly, four house elves popped into the room. The castle ghosts, looking grim, floated through the walls a minute later.

Harry looked at them seriously, continuing to ignore the teachers and students. He pointed to the house elves. "The Slytherins are going to be rooming with the Gryffindors tonight, the Ravenclaws with the Hufflepuffs. Seal down the Slytherin and Ravenclaw dormitories and move the children's luggage to the other tower. No one gets into those dorms except me, understand?" The elves nodded, disappearing with a pop.

"Harry," Dumbledore walked over. The snake hissed threateningly, looking nervous and trapped. The headmaster stopped moving instantly. "Harry, what's going on?"

"You," Harry pointed to the ghosts, continuing to ignore the adults and students. "Make sure no one leaves their dorms tonight. No one, unless they are with me."

"And why, Mr. Potter," Snape's icy voice floated over from the end of the table where he was assisting students away from the table as safely as possible. "Why would we be so inclined to listen to you?"

"Because I'm a Parcelmouth," he answered grimly. "There are snakes all over the school and I don't want anyone to get bitten."

Professor McGonagall gasped, looking horrified. "Snakes? Inside Hogwarts? Poisonous ones?"

"Yep." Harry nodded, turning away from his head of house to point to the Gryffindor table. "Ron, Hermione," he ordered sharply. "You are in charge of organizing the Slytherins tonight. No one comes to any harm, understand?"

Hermione was very pale, one hand clasped over her mouth as she shot nervous looks at the head table. "Course, Harry."

Ron nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable. "You got it, mate."

Harry nodded, satisfied, before turning to the Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin Prefects and ordering them to get their students safely to the selected common room and take roll. Professor Flitwick and Madame Hooch levitated Delores Umbridge to the Hospital Wing, silently agreeing to keep her unconscious until the latest disaster had passed. Carefully, one at a time and with many breaks for Harry to calm the poisonous snake down, the Slytherins managed to file out of the Great Hall and towards the Gryffindor common room.

Harry held onto Draco. "Malfoy?" he asked seriously. "I know you want to be safe, but please could you come with me to the Slytherin common room? I need your help with something."

Draco shot an anxious glance at Professor Snape. The man was eyeing Harry as though he had never seen him before, a faint glimmer of respect lighting his eyes at the way Harry was so obviously concerned about the safety of the students. He nodded to Draco. Taking a deep breath, the blond squared his shoulders and tried to sneer at the Gryffindor. "Sure. After all, you'll need help navigating the dungeons."

"Professors?" Harry turned to Professor Sprout, McGonagall, Snape, and Headmaster Dumbledore. "Please go reassure the students they will be all right. I will return with Malfoy as soon as possible, and we will discuss this in the headmasters' office." Surprisingly, they nodded in agreement. Snape muttering something about foolish Gryffindors and making sure Pomphrey had enough anti-venom on hand as he passed by.

Exchanging tense nods Harry and Draco fell into step on their way to the dungeons. The walk was silent, tense, with Harry constantly looking around for snakes and Draco clinging to his arm while manfully pretending he was protecting the Gryffindor from… something. Draco jumped in surprise when Harry nodded at the wall hiding the Slytherin dorm and it slid open easily.

"Sit down," Harry jerked his head in the direction of the black leather couches.

"What?"

"Sit down," he repeated slowly.

Looking rather trepidatious, Draco perched himself on the very edge of the seat closest to Harry. "Tea?" Harry asked politely, gesturing to the steaming platter that had appeared on the table next to him.

Draco looked from the platter to Harry to the locked and presumably sealed door. "Potter?" he asked slowly, automatically accepting a cup of tea. And a biscuit. "What's going on?"

"Let me tell you a story, Draco," Harry said gently. "Once upon a time a twelve year old boy killed a Basilisk with the Sword of Gryffindor. It sucked. And it hurt. And I still have a scar." Harry trailed off, looking slightly disgruntled, before he seemed to shake himself and continue on. "Anyways, upon returning to the Headmaster's office – bloody, filthy, sore, and exhausted, may I point out – the boy was told that only a true Gryffindor could pull the sword out of the hat." He paused in his story, offering the tea pot to Draco politely. "More tea?"

Mutely, Draco allowed him to refill his cup. Taking another two biscuits to fortify himself.

"So," Harry continued brightly after taking a sip of his own tea, "the boy plotted and planned. His life was practically straight out of a sci-fi or fantasy novel, and in books the Protagonist of the story always manages to somehow seize control of his destiny and conclude the book with an exciting and heart wrenching victory. Oh, and he always gets the girl, of course."

"Of course," Draco agreed, attempting to gauge the distance between where he sat and the door. After all, he concluded to himself, it was obvious Potter had lost it. He could brave the snakes alone. He was… tough. He nibbled on another biscuit as he weighed the pros and cons between lethal snakes and emotionally unbalanced Gryffindors. "Could you not talk about yourself in third person, though? It's a bit disturbing."

"Right." Harry politely refilled their tea once more. "Once I came to the conclusion I was the heir apparent of Gryffindor, I decided to milk it to my advantage. The castle is bound by their oath to the founders to listen to me, and since I am actually _in_ the castle and not attempting to destroy it, it likes me better than Tom."

"What likes you better than Tom?" Draco asked warily.

"Hogwarts."

"I see."

"Do you?"

"Yes. Potter, being the Boy Who Lived all these years has obviously fried your brains."

"It's possible. But we'll get to that later. Where was I? Right! So, this year has been especially rough for me. I've been separated from my Godfather, still having nightmares of Cedric in the graveyard, and Umbridge is trying to kill me slowly."

"Smart woman."

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

"Hmm. Well, it also sucks for me because I figured out I was gay."

"You're gay??"

"I am."

"But you're Harry Potter! You can't be gay!"

"Oh, but I am. Draco? Hey, Malfoy you ok? Breathe! Here, have another biscuit. There's a good boy."

"Shut up Potter, I am not a dog."

"Trust me, I know,"

"What?"

"Err… so anyway, I came out to my friends and decided I was going to ask the object of my affection out for a date. But every blasted time I tried I kept getting interrupted! Geez, it's amazing the things that go one in this castle. The only time things seem to go according to plan is when there is some extreme plot going on. So I created one."

"You… created… an extreme plot?"

"Yep."

"O –K. And… what do I have to do with your insane ploy? Why are you looking at me like that? Oh God, I'm the object of your affection, aren't I?"

"Pretty and smart," Harry nodded approvingly at the shell shocked blond. "Can you see why I'm crazy about you?"

"But… but I yell insults at you all the time!"

"I have self esteem issues. I take your harsh words as hidden declarations of love."

"But… but you beat me up on the Quidditch pitch!"

"What? It's like the Bush song. I don't believe Elvis is dead. There's no sex in your violence."

"Who the fuck is Elvis?"

"Doesn't matter, he's dead."

"But you just said…" Draco shook his head. "Potter, perhaps you should explain precisely what your mad play entails."

"Well," Harry paused to refill their tea cups and pass out more biscuits. "I ordered the snake by owl from the Magical Menagerie. Then I told him to hiss threateningly at the students and wander around while I got everyone out of the way. The Slytherin common room is sealed off to anyone not with me, and all the teachers are busy taking care of the hysterical students and patrolling the castle for loose snakes to really care what we're doing in here. Luna came up with the idea to include the Ravenclaws because it would look less suspicious, and Hermione agreed to go along with my ploy in order to try and find a way to keep me from getting expelled when I get caught." Harry shook his head sadly. "Eternal pessimist, that girl. So, we're alone, and I can finally ask you if you will go out with me. So, will you?"

Draco paused, waiting, but Harry seemed to be done. "That's it? That's the extent of your plot? What if I were to say no? What will you tell Umbridge, Dumbledore, _everyone_, after this is over?"

Harry's shoulders fell. "I haven't gotten that far in the plan."

"Haven't gotten that… Harry! You should have gotten to that point before you put your plan in action!"

"Hey," Harry said defensively. "It was a good plan." He looked up, hopefully. "Maybe we can just stay here until the end of the year?" He bounced on the leather couch experimentally. "It's nice here."

Draco stared at Harry again, and whimpered slightly. "Good God, you're insane!" Absently, he took another biscuit and wondered what the hell he should do now.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! Obviously, a lot of people like Harry when he's just a trifle insane. Makes him more... interesting, yes? Sorry this is so late! I was boycotting the month of September and forgot to notice when it changed to a different month.

Loves!

Roo

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Part 1.5 of 2

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Draco kept his bum firmly planted on the couch and glared at Potter. He nibbled a biscuit absent mindedly, glancing around the room nervously. Harry sat across the room looking incredibly morose as he hissed out his litany of complaints to _the most poisonous snake in the world!_ The stupid snake had the audacity to glare at him with his stupid slitted eyes every now and then before nuzzling Harry's arm. Normally Draco would not have stood for such insulting behavior, but as the damn snake hissed at him every time he tried to move he decided he could put up with it just this once. So he sat on the cushion closest to the door, ready to scream his dirty little heart out should anyone come close enough to hear him, and munched from the seemingly endless platter of biscuits. Because, after all, if he was trapped in a room with a psychotic Harry Potter, the fact that his blood pressure could soar so high it would stop his heart was beginning to seem more and more appealing.

"Right, Draco, Elvis here says I have a well thought out plan and you are being deliberately mean to me because you're repressed."

"I…" Draco sputtered. "I am not repressed."

"Uh huh."

"I'm not! Besides, I thought Elvis was dead?"

"He is. This Elvis isn't."

"Right. Well, did Elvis tell you how we should get out of here?"

"Er… sort of."

"Oh dooooo tell. I'm dying to know what the fekkin reptile thinks."

"That's not very nice, Draco. And, uh, hesortasaysIshoulsclaimyouasmymatebecauseit'sthelawofthejunglethatmatescan'ttestifyagainsttheother."

"Pardon?"

Harry cleared his throat, sending the snake a slightly reproachful look. "Uh, he sorta says I should claim you as my mate because it's the law of the jungle that mates can't testify against the other."

Draco blinked. And then jumped up until he was kneeling on the couch holding his biscuit like a weapon. "Stay away from my bum, Potter!"

"What?"

"I should have gone to Durmstrange." Draco huddled deeper in his section of the couch, looking between the snake, Harry Potter, and the door with rising anxiety. "I could be married to a nice woman named Attila who may or may not plan on killing me in my sleep so she can flee with the Malfoy fortune to the San Juan Islands and spend the rest of her days drinking rum and diddling the pool boy."

"Erm…Draco? Malfoy?"

"But noooooo. Instead I go to Hogwarts where YOU make my life miserable and plan on either assaulting me or giving me to that evil snake to finish me off! Granted, I would make a singularly spectacular corpse, but… WHY ARE YOU MOVING CLOSER TO ME?"

"Easy. Easy Draco. I'm just pushing the biscuits closer to you." Harry kept his voice soothing. He was slightly worried about the way Draco twitched every time he moved, but thought it had to be because of the snake. Aw, wasn't that precious? His little snake was afraid of his other snake. "There now," he continued softly, "more tea? Good boy."

"I told you: I am not a dog!"

"Of course you're not! Have another biscuit. There now. So, if you think Elvis' idea was crap, what do you think we should do?"

"We? Oh no Harry, this is all on you!"

Harry ignored Draco's outburst. "You still haven't answered me, though. Do you want to go out with me?"

"How can I possibly go out with you? Once you finish holding me hostage, Umbridge is going to have you expelled if she doesn't kill you first. Then my father is going to find you and give you to the Dark Lord if _he_ doesn't kill you first. Then the Dark Lord is going to make you suffer suffer suffer if he doesn't kill you first."

Harry pouted. "You know, I came up with this brilliant plan to give us some alone time. The least you could help me do is figure out how to conclude it." He ignored Draco's outraged look and shifted over until he was lying on the couch with his head in Draco's lap. "Will you pet me?"

"Pet you?" Draco winced internally at how high he had shrieked.

"Yep." He looked at Draco hopefully. "I like it when people pet me. It helps me think."

Draco contemplated shoving Harry off his lap and taking his chances with the snake. Then the snake hissed at him threateningly. Draco's hand dropped to Harry's hair. "See?" Harry sighed happily. "This is nice. When we're not fighting, we can get along swimmingly."

"Potter, when we're not fighting, we don't speak."

"Hey! There's an idea! We could bust out a window, flood the dungeons, and _swim_ out. Then we can say that Voldemort had planned on using the deaths of innocents in some bizarre ritual that would give him immortality or upper body strength or something."

"I refuse to swim."

"Why? Hogwarts would forgive me for flooding the dungeons?" Harry turned his head to look at the wall. "Wouldn't you?" he crooned lovingly. The castle made a groaning noise in response. Draco bit his lip in terror. Harry seemed satisfied.

"But I'll get my hair wet."

"So? It'll dry."

"But… but Elvis isn't a water snake! He'll drown!"

"Oh. Damn." Harry dropped his head back in Draco's lap with a thump.

Draco started petting him again while looking around desperately for a way to escape. Come on, he thought, you're a Malfoy. Think! "Potter…"

"Call me Harry."

"Potter. You don't really have self esteem issues. There is no way your pet Mudblood would allow you to spend five years in her presence without psychoanalyzing you."

"Welll…" Harry trailed off under the force of Draco's glare. "Ok, my self-esteem is fine. Padfoot recommended using that ruse to play upon your sensitivities."

"My…Potter!" Outraged, Draco shoved Potter's head off his lap. He threw a biscuit at the snake when it hissed menacingly at him. "I am not sensitive!" Sulking, he bit into another biscuit. "Who's Padfoot?"

"My Godfather. Sirius Black."

Draco choked on his biscuit. "You asked an escaped murdered for advice on how to ask me out?!"

"Seemed appropriate."

"Shut up. OK." Draco steepled his fingers. "There are so many things wrong with this situation I don't know where to begin."

"You noticed!" Beaming, Harry jumped up and hugged him.

Considering the day he'd had, the hug was oddly comforting. Draco decided to allow it. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he slipped back into his Slytherin persona. "Potter. You are a Gryffindor. Gryffindor is synonymous with idiotic. Why are you so surprised I noticed your fallings? It's what I do."

"And that's why we would be so perfect together!" Harry nodded, still looking inordinately pleased with himself. "I _told _Ron you would notice!"

"_Weasel_ is in on this too?" He sighed, dropping his head to rub at his temples. "Explain."

"See," Harry sat up happily, brushing the fringe out of his eyes. "Hermione pointed it out to me. I think she was trying to talk me out of this whole thing." He frowned briefly. "Ah well. Have you noticed all the good ploys have multiple holes in them? So in order for this one to work, I worked in enough holes that the adults wouldn't question it." He grinned proudly.

Draco blinked. "Such as…"

"Well," Harry scooted closer, his arm still wrapped around Draco in a loose parody of a platonic hug. Draco was beginning to get truly alarmed. "For starters, I told everyone that the school was overrun with poisonous snakes that wanted to bite or kill certain people. So, much like first year when Dumbledore sent the school away from the security of the Great Hall when a troll was on the loose, I sent the Slytherin and Ravenclaw students away from their dormitories. No one even questioned whether the Gryffindor or Hufflepuff students were going to be safe in their dormitories! Plus, with Vol… sorry, the Dark Lord, after me – again – everyone wants to see me in a position where I can show I can hold my own. So, in that situation, the fact that a fifteen year old bossed around the teachers was acceptable."

"That…" Draco frowned. "I can actually see that working."

"Thanks! So could they, apparently, as it's been over an hour and no one's interrupted us."

"Right." Draco frowned thoughtfully, nibbling at another biscuit. He smacked distractedly at Harry's hand as the brunette tried to smooth his hair. "How did you get your little friends to help you with this? I thought they hated me as much as you did." His shoulders slumped; a pout forming on his face. "Does no one hate me anymore?"

"Of course they do!" Harry spoke soothingly as he passed over a fresh cup of tea. "Lots of people hate you. You're a right berk, come to think of it. Only I find it attractive."

"Thank you. Answer the question."

"All Luna would say in the matter was 'The course of true love never did run smooth.' Some guy named Shakespeare said that." He shrugged affably. "Ron thinks I'm going through a phase and wants you close to make sure you don't spirit me off to the Dark Lord or poison my shampoo or something. Hermione thinks I'm helpless and naïve and destined for failure. But she loves me and started muttering about how if I left school she would have to go too in order to keep me alive, and if was far less work to research laws to keep me from being expelled than to find decent teachers willing to home school. And Sirius hates your dad. It satisfies a twenty year grudge for him to corrupt his heir."

"That's… sad."

"As sad as Snape hating me because of my dad?"

"Snape doesn't carry a grudge. He simply exacts well deserved retribution from inferior Gryffindors."

"HEY KIDS!" Both boys jumped at the pounding on the wall hiding the Slytherin entrance.

"Sirius?" Harry jumped up and ran towards the wall, opening the entrance with a wave of his hand. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black bounded into the common room. Bloody and disheveled. Elvis hissed disapprovingly and slunk away. "What happened?"

"Hiya pup!" Sirius swept Harry up into an enthusiastic hug. "Neville told us you were employing your ploy today, so we were hanging out at the Shrieking Shack in case it didn't go according to plan. There was a Death Eater attack in Hogsmead. Isn't that great!"

Draco wrinkled his nose and glared at the mangy man hanging all over Harry. "You would find a Death Eater attack great." Then he frowned and turned to Harry. _"Longbottom_ was in on this!"

Harry flushed. "Well, everyone looks to Ron and Hermione whenever I'm up to something. They needed to look surprised. No one looks at Neville. And no one thinks twice about Luna."

He stared until the Gryffindor began to fidget. "Is this brilliance or sheer insanity?"

"Oh shut it Malfoy." Sirius tossed his head and grinned before turning back to his Godson. "Told you things would work out!"

"Hello Harry, Mr. Malfoy." Lupin smiled gently at the two boys before him.

"Hey Moony!"

"Professor."

"I presume one of you can inform me as to why my companion was so thrilled to run into Death Eaters in Hogsmead?"

"Because he's an idiot?"

"Draco! Sorry Moony, I was working on a plan and didn't know how to conclude it. But with Death Eaters attacking so close to the school on the same day I released my plan, I can say the danger has passed and the school is once again secure!" He beamed at the confused werewolf and the frowning blond. "Isn't that great!"

Sirius hugged him again. "You make me proud."

Remus looked alarmed. "Harry, Sirius really isn't the best influence…"

"It's alright Moony, we got it covered." He grinned again, reaching out to grab Draco's hand and yank him out the door. "See you later, we need to go tell Dumbledore the danger's passed."

Draco let himself be led away, smug that Harry chose him over the escaped convict. Wait. "And just what makes you think I'll go along with whatever tale you tell?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't expect you to."


	3. Chapter 3

OK, so... there will be one more chapter after this one. I was informed we needed Draco's reaction.

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Part 2-ish of 2

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"And that's what happened," Draco concluded. He'd been sitting in the headmaster's office for the better part of an hour telling the Headmaster, Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Flitwick, the twisted machinations of their beloved savior while Harry sat there looking bewildered and sad and occasionally rubbing at his scar. Please; like his scar meant anything to anyone besides the insipid fan girls who stalked his every move. Draco sighed, exhausted, and took a sip of tea while he waited for the reaction; shoving the platter of offered biscuits away. He'd eaten far too many biscuits tonight.

Surprisingly, it was his head of house who recovered enough to answer first. "You mean to tell me that _Potter_ came up with the idea to frighten the entire school with the threat of the Dark Lord, and Death Eaters just _happened_ to choose tonight to attack Hogsmead?" Draco nodded. Snape exchanged a meaningful look with Dumbledore, giving a minute shake of his head. Draco frowned.

Flitwick spoke up. "And escaped murderer Sirius Black, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Luna Lovegood were all in on the ploy?"

"And Neville Longbottom," Draco interjected. He gave the Headmaster a meaningful look. "Everyone always overlooks Longbottom." Dumbledore offered a comforting smile, his blue eyes twinkling alarmingly.

"Indeed." Snape's voice was dry.

"And you maintain there were no poisonous snakes running rampant throughout the school?"

Draco smirked at McGonagall's expression. Obviously she was having a difficult time accrediting her Gryffindors with that level of cunning. "Nope. Just Elvis."

"Who?"

"Elvis."

"Elvis?" Snape repeated. "I was under the impression that Elvis was a Muggle hallucination brought on by the era of relaxation in the sixties and seventies and is since deceased."

"I don't know anything about that." Draco shook his head in confusion. "The explanation was confusing and included something about no sex in violence and songs." He shrugged. "But I assure you Elvis is very much alive." He paused, eyes widening in horror. "And he's still in the Slytherin common room!" He turned and glared at Harry. "Potter! I demand you get your snake out of Slytherin!"

"I thought you said there were no snakes in this school, Mr. Malfoy?" Draco glared at McGonagall and opened his mouth to answer.

Flitwick beat him to it. "Why would Mr. Potter want to terrorize the school and seclude himself in the Slytherin common room?"

"Because," Draco smiled smugly, unconsciously straightening his posture. "He wanted to ask me out."

Dead silence. Even Fawkes stopped preening his feathers and looked at the blond. Snape closed his eyes, looking tired and resigned. "Mr. Potter wanted to ask you out?" Dumbledore's bushy eyebrows had risen to his hairline.

"Yes."

"Out where?"

Draco rolled his eyes, giving the man a respectfully exasperated look. "On a date. Potter concocted this whole scheme to ask me on a date." He turned back to smirk at Potter. The Gryffindor just blinked at him in response before rubbing at his scar. Whatever.

McGonagall stepped forward and placed a hand on the blonds' shoulder. She spoke slowly and clearly. "You believe Mr. Potter protected the school from You-Know-Who in order to simply ask you on a date?"

"Yes."

Flitwick looked at the Slytherin in concern. "But you and Mr. Potter don't strike me as particularly enamored with one another."

Draco waved his hand dismissively. "I've never claimed to understand Gryffindors."

"Hmm." Dumbledore looked pensive as he studied the boys before him.

Snape sighed, turning to the headmaster with a pained expression. "I do not believe at this time that Malfoy Senior is in disgrace. Perhaps the expectations of future servitude were too much, and Draco's unconsciousness tried to protect his mind by developing the illusion of a romance."

"Disgrace?" Draco looked at the Potions Master in confusion. "My father is a well respected member of society."

McGonagall gave the boy a pitying look, patting him gently on his head. "Perhaps if he asked Mr. Potter on a date and Harry said yes it would help him?"

"Ask…" Draco gaped at the woman; shooting to his feet in dismay. "You don't believe me? I wouldn't lie about this! Potter kidnapped me and held me hostage while he asked me out!"

"Really?" Snape arched an eyebrow, crossed his arms over his chest, and stared the blond down. Draco sat back down immediately. And reached nervously for a biscuit. "Was this before or after he saved you from the snake you claim does not exist?"

"After. Wait…"

Dumbledore tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I don't see how it could hurt."

"Harry?" McGonagall turned to her Gryffindor, giving him a kind smile. "I know you would be willing to help Mr. Malfoy by going on a date with him. Right?"

"Well…" Harry frowned thoughtfully, taking a sip of his tea and rubbing absently at his scar again. Draco narrowed his eyes. "If it would be for the greater good… ok" He straightened his shoulders, offering Draco a tentative smile. "I would be happy to go on a date with you Malfoy. May I call you Draco?"

"WHAT!" Draco stared around the office, noting the expression of concern with rising dismay. "But I'm telling the truth! Potter wanted to ask me out so he staged this 'elaborate ploy' filled with plot holes and we drank tea and ate biscuits and he wanted to swim out of the dungeons but it would have gotten my hair wet and Granger is researching ways to keep him from being expelled and Loony Lovegood ate pudding." Gray eyes widened. "I bet he had his little club in on this too! Ask Umbridge – we've been trying to find their headquarters for months now!"

McGonagall looked viciously pleased. "I am afraid that once Delores wakes up, she will be leaving this school. As such, her worthless decrees will fall by the wayside."

"Leaving?" Draco looked between the teachers helplessly. "Why is she leaving?"

"Death Eaters attacked Hogsmead," Dumbledore gently reminded him. "Minister Fudge had no choice but to recognize Voldemort's return and has decided to rescind his intrusion into my school."

"But… but…" He looked around desperately. "But this was all Potter's ploy! His plan! Because of some guy named Shakesperone or something! And love! Love was mentioned. And snakes and Hogwarts and biscuits…" he trailed off.

"Yes," Snape deadpanned. "Because most kidnappers offer their prisoners tea and biscuits." He looked sadly down at his favorite student.

Dumbledore's expression of concern deepened as he continued to observe his student. "Severus, I fear you may be correct." He shook his wizened head sadly. "Mr. Malfoy, I feel a Calming Draught and a night under Poppy's most excellent care would not be amiss." He twinkled benevolently at the stressed looking blond. "I will personally escort you down."

"I'll help you." Flitwick reached out and grabbed an arm, helping Draco to his feet and steering him towards the door.

"But… but…" Gray eyes looked at Harry pleadingly. "Harry?"

"It's alright Draco." Harry smiled. "We'll go on our date this weekend. You'll see. Things have a way of working themselves out."

Dumbledore smiled proudly as he paused in the doorway; yet not looking directly at the boy for some reason. "Harry? Would you like to accompany me to the Infirmary?" His gaze flickered to the boys scar. Draco was really beginning to wonder about that.

"No." Harry smiled bravely; sinking back into his chair and picking up his tea cup again. "I just want to sit here for a few minutes before going back to my common room."

"I'll keep watch over the Golden Boy," Snape looked bored and slightly irritated. "I'll need to ensure my students have survived the lions den."

"He's in my house." McGonagall raised her chin proudly. "I too will remain and escort Mr. Potter back to the tower."

"Very well." Dumbledore nodded and helped herd the protesting blond down the stairs.

The office was quiet until the sounds of the wall at the bottom of the enchanted stairs sliding shut reverberated in the office. McGonagall turned to Harry and gave him a stern look. Harry hopped to his feet, removing an envelope from his robes. "As promised." His smile was slightly strained as he handed the envelope to his head of house. "Thanks for playing along!"

"It was nothing." McGonagall blushed, eyes gleaming as she hid the envelope in her robes. "You have loyal friends. By the time I finished my perusal of the tower, the Slytherins were settled and singing your praises and the Gryffindors were keeping Hermione distracted so she wouldn't accidentally blurt out the truth. All I needed to do was inform the headmaster that the students were safe and wait for you to come back."

"Yeah," Harry smiled affectionately. "They're pretty great."

"I assume you are capable of getting yourself back to the tower?" Harry nodded. McGonagall smiled, patting him gently on the shoulder. "Then I bid you good night, Harry dear." She didn't look back as she rushed from the room.

"What did she want as payment?"

Harry turned back to his Potions Professor with a slightly nauseous expression on his face. "Pictures of Sirius and Remus in various stages of, err…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "You know what? Sirius is like a father to me. I _really_ don't want to think about that ever again." He scowled. "Sometimes I hate having an Invisibility Cloak."

"Why? Does the wolf howl?"

"How'd you know…" Harry trailed off, glaring at the smirk on his teachers face. Sulkily he pulled out the bottles from his robe and handed them over. "Why you help me?"

Snape's eyes gleamed greedily as he lovingly caressed the bottles in his hand. "Basilisk venom is extremely rare. I would have done a lot more than helped you with Malfoy Junior to get my hands on these."

"Really?" Harry's eyes lit up, a devious smile spreading over his face.

"Indeed." Come talk to me when you're ready to peel off the skin." He left the office without a backwards glance.

Harry smiled to himself as he finished his tea. Who knew his third grade teacher was correct when she told him the truth shall set him free? Not only had he gotten away with his brilliant plan without getting expelled, but _Draco_ had asked _him_ for a date! Well – kind of. He was pulled from his musings by a rather morose sigh.

The Sorting Hat pouted down at the boy. "You would have been _great_ in Slytherin."


End file.
